The ugly monster of jealousy!

“Chelsea…Chelsea!! Are you listening to me??”

A friend of mine recently caught me daydreaming while fully immersed in telling me a story. I shook myself, and refocused my attention back on the conversation at hand. My mind has been wandering quite a lot these past few weeks. What is the topic on my mind?

The future…

The unknown of what lies ahead for me has been weighing heavy on my mind. To be brutally honest, life seems to be happening for so many people. I’m attending a wedding this weekend, my best friend just got engaged, one of my close friends just landed her dream job…and the list could go on. As I’ve been watching all of these great things happening to my friends, I’ve been a little bit jealous!! Yes, I have had emotions well up inside of me that I am ashamed of. The big green monster has been rearing its ugly head in my life lately. I’m not proud to admit it, but this is the struggle I’ve been battling. As a result, my prayers have been self-centered and selfish sounding something like this…

“Lord, when are you going to bring a significant other into my life?”

“Lord, when are you going to reveal to me what I’m supposed to do after I graduate?”

“Lord, I feel so restless!”

During my recent time at the beach, I was spending time in the Lord’s presence. It was one of the rare moments that I stopped talking and just listened to what He said. After the tears started flowing, I heard the tender and gentle voice of God speak. He reminded me of His faithfulness and commitment to me. The Lord also commanded me to be faithful with what He’s given me right now. So often, I look around at others and compare what I have to what they have, resulting in a restless and discontent heart. Instead of throwing myself a personal pity party because I don’t have _________ (fill in the blank), the Lord asked me to pour myself wholeheartedly into what He’s given me.

I have  people in my life I can choose to love relentlessly.

I have a job that I can produce excellence in.

I have friends I can practice intentionality with.

I have a mind I can grow and expand.

With a shift in perspective, the Lord has given me new eyes through which I can view my world. Instead of my spirit becoming jealous over the triumphs for others, I can look at the abundance that I have and choose to be faithful. Beloved, this is a choice I am choosing to make. It’s not easy, and it’s not my natural reaction. I’m struggling, but I have the Lord fighting with me. I keep reminding myself, if the Lord can’t trust me with small things, He isn’t going to trust me with bigger things. I desperately want to develop my character into one of faithfulness, so that when people look at me and question why I am so faithful, I can point to the Lord, and bring glory to Him by discussing His faithfulness.

  One day when my life ends, I want to hear my Savior say,

Well done, good and faithful servant!

 

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