Rain…

Right now I’m sitting in my car in the midst of an intense rainstorm. I was out a while ago and had to drive through the storm; the rain was literally coming down sideways and I was forced to drive 25 miles under the speed limit on the highway because it was so hard. I’ve parked in my driveway, and have sat still listening to the rain for a long time. As I sit here, alone in my car in the middle of this deluge with thunder that can be heard every few minutes, announcing itself with a great boom, and the whole sky being lit up with lightening, I feel as if the weather reflects my heart right now…a storm. It’s almost as if the weather is displaying to the world how I feel inside my soul.

Today was such an incredibly hard day. My heart has been in pain lately, and well meaning people at church all said the same thing to me this morning, “Hello Chelsea, how are you?” Everything in me wanted to scream, “I’m not okay, please care about me. Please notice that I’m not doing great.” Instead, I mustered up as much smile as I could and said something to the tune of, “I’m doing alright,” or the classic, “I’m fine.” Do you know what? That answer satisfied people. It was hard for me when no one really took the time to look deeper and see how I was really doing. The last thing I want to do is point my finger at people, because God has taught me a very valuable lesson. People will always disappoint. It’s true, none of us are perfect, and God has slowly and patiently taught me not to turn to people for what He alone can give. I’ve made the mistake of expecting people to always be there when I need them to be, comfort me, be my strength, speak tenderly to me, hold me when I cry, etc. The truth is, God is the only one that can do all that and so much more for me. He will never disappoint me! I shed many tears this afternoon. My heart literally could not hold everything and broke, the result was me walking outside and sitting on my deck and weeping. It felt so good to just cry and release some weight that was on my heart.

As I drove home in the storm, I was listening to my ipod and a song came on called, “Our God is in control.” I felt like it perfectly expressed my heart at this time in my life.


This is not how it should be.

This is not how it could be.

But this is how it is.

And our God is in control.

This is not how it will be.

When we finally will see.

We’ll see with our own eyes.

He was always in control.

And we’ll sing Holy, Holy, Holy

Is our God.

And we will finally understand

What it means.

So we’ll sing holy, holy, holy

Is our God.

While we’re waiting for that day.

As I sit in the car, listening to the rain upon my windshield, I realize two things. I am in the midst of my own storm, and it’s raining and storming all around me. But here’s the other thing I realized; my job in this storm is to sing “Holy, Holy, Holy” to my God and trust Him when He tells me that He is in control. At times, my soul wants to say what Job said in Job 30:16, “And now my soul is poured out within me; days of affliction have taken hold of me.” Or even closer to home while I’m sitting in the middle of this storm, Job said, “You toss me about in the roar of the storm.” I must admit, I feel like that today; like I’m in the midst of a huge raging storm. While it’s so easy to focus on my circumstances, and wish that things were different, I don’t want to be like Peter in Matthew 14. Jesus invited him to walk on water, but he got distracted by his circumstances. “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out.” Peter lost sight of Jesus, and instead allowed the wind to dictate what his eyes were focused on. I’m so glad this isn’t the end of the story, continue reading to what Peter cried out. “Lord save me.” What a beautiful three words. I am making that my prayer, “Lord, save me. Save me from myself. Save me from focusing on my circumstances. Save me from distractions. Save me from anything that takes my eyes off my Beloved Jesus.”

I love the next part after Peter made a desperate plea for rescue, “Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him.” My favorite word in that sentence is “immediately.” The very moment my soul cries out, “Lord save me” Jesus immediately answers me. He doesn’t delay, or ask me to get my act together, or wait ‘til the tears have dried on my cheeks before answering. He lovingly reaches out his hand into my life and takes a hold of me.

Even though I am going through a hard time right now, and as the song says, “This is not how it should be. This is not how it could be, but this is how it is. And our God is in control.” I need to stand up and constantly declare that my God is in control. True, things aren’t ideal, my heart hurts, but nevertheless, my God is bigger than all circumstances, all emotions, all boundaries, and longs for me to know and believe Him when He says that He is in control.

If you’re going through something difficult, or can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel, join me in singing “Holy, Holy, Holy” to our beloved Savoir who promised to immediately take our hand and hold on. Though our song might be sung with tears streaming down our cheeks, we must sing nevertheless.

Remember…

This is not how it will be

When we finally will see

We’ll see with our own eyes.

He was always in control.

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4 thoughts on “Rain…

  1. chelsea, that’s so deep and meaningful. I know exactly what you mean about how people let ya down. I never thought about how God shows us how people lets us down in order for us to turn to Him. It is always good to let out our emotions like crying. And it feels so good just to release it all to God. I’m gonna continue to be praying for you. I love you so so so much. You’ve been incredibly strong through everything going on lately. You’re such an example to me on how putting out strength in God is so important and worth it. and you’re right, God is always in control. I’ve had trouble realizing that these past few weeks, but its true. you’re beautiful inside and out. and I’m so sorry that you so upset inside.

  2. Chelsea my dear, I cried for you when I read this. I’ve felt the same way. It’s almost like people don’t want to listen or even help you when you’re going through a hard time. It hurts even worse when those people are in the church. We really do need to take the time to listen and say, “How are you really doing? What can I pray for you this week?”. That’s what the church needs to be doing. But you’re right we do have to trust that God is in control. I was actually driving home last night, windows down, the sky filled with lightening, but my heart was hurting. This is what came on, “He who is holding the world, hold your heart.” Isn’t that awesome, I just broke down and cried! God knows our heart, He knows exactly what we’re going through. He is there for us!!! He will NEVER leave us nor forsake us(Joshua 1:9 and Hebrews 13:5). Always remember that, Chelsea!!! And, I’m here for you!

  3. Chelsea, I am so blessed that God has allowed us to meet each other this year. Your writing is so beautiful and encouraging. My heart is also very overwhelmed with pain right now and I know how hard it is when no one else around you seems to even care or want to know how you’re really doing. I’m also learning the lesson that people will always let us down, and will not always be there when we need them most. God is the only one who will always be with us, and the only one who can ultimately heal our pain. It is so painful but God is using this time to teach me to depend on Him alone for comfort and strength, and to teach me that He alone is in control, not me or anyone else, and He is always worthy of our praise no matter what the circumstances. Psalm 73 has been helping me a lot, I encourage you to read it too…that should be one of the passages we learn this summer. Such a powerful illustration of how God holds us through the storms. I see God’s joy so strongly in you, and you encourage me to be joyful too, even though we haven’t known each other very long. I’ve been praying for you every day and I hope everything starts to get better soon!

  4. Hey Chelsea, so, I have a wordpress blog too! But anywho, I hope things are going better than they were when you posted this. The whole thing you are saying about focussing on your circumstances is so true. It’s hard to realize it at the time, but we are being sanctified, and it’s really good. My dad would always say that God is more concerned with our character than our comfort. When I’m having a good day, it’s easy to swallow; but on bad days, I don’t want to hear it. Anyway, I don’t want to ramble too much. Good thoughts and cool post!

    -Andrew

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